I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
