i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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