Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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