So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
