how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
