I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
