Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
