i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
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