Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
