Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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