I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
