I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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