he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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