he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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