I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
