my vag is so smooth its legendary
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
