he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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