So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
even my farts smell like vagina
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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