Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
