I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
