can we get nightvision for the apartment?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
