It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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