Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
