We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
