So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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