how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
