He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You're a waste of cheezeits
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
