I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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