Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
