How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
