I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I can text with my tongue
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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