we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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