people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
