Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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