Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
