Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
