Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
