She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
