just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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