i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
