my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
