shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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