If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
