So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I was not drunk enough for that final.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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