Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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