And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
