Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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