I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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