its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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