ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
