He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i dont even know how to be here
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
