best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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