and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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