just come out here and I will go home with you...
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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